Extracts From Adam's Diary Ebook

[NOTE.--I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and
a friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but
the public never got them. Since then I have deciphered some more
of Adam's hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently
important as a public character to justify this publication.--M. T.]

Monday ebook

This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way.
It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like
this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the
other animals. Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall
have rain. ... Where did I get that word? ... I remember now--
the new creature uses it.

Tuesday

Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the
estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--why,
I am sure I do not know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That
is not a reason; it is mere waywardness and imbecility. I get no
chance to name anything myself. The new creature names everything
that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And always that
same pretext is offered--it looks like the thing. There is the
dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at
a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to keep that
name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no
good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do.

Wednesday

Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to
myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put
it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it
away with the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of
the other animals make when they are in distress. I wish it would
not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling
at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so. I have never
heard the human voice before, and any new and strange sound
intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming
solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this new
sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my
ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only
to sounds that are more or less distant from me.

Friday

The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I
had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty--
GARDEN-OF-EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not
any longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and
rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden.
Says it looks like a park, and does not look like anything but a
park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named--
NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to
me. And already there is a sign up:

KEEP OFF
THE GRASS

My life is not as happy as it was.

Saturday

The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short,
most likely. "We" again--that is its word; mine too, now, from
hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go
out in the fog myself. The new creature does. It goes out in
all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet. And talks.
It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.

Sunday

Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying.
It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I
already had six of them per week, before. This morning found the
new creature trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.

Monday

The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have
no objections. Says it is to call it by when I want it to come.
I said it was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in
its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear
repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She. This is probably
doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me
if she would but go by herself and not talk.

Tuesday

She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive
signs:

THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL.

THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND.

CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY.

She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was
any custom for it. Summer resort--another invention of hers--just
words, without any meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is
best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining.

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1. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
2. TOM SAWYER ABROAD
3. TOM SAWYER, DETECTIVE
4. THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN
5. 1601
6. A Burlesque Autobiography
7. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
8. A Dog's Tale
9. A Horse's Tale
10. A TRAMP ABROAD
11. Alonzo Fitz and Other Stories
12. Carnival of Crime in CT
13. Christian Science
14. Complete Letters of Mark Twain
15. Curious Republic of Gondour
16. Double Barrelled Detective
17. Essays on Paul Bourget
18. Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven
19. Extracts From Adam's Diary
20. FENIMORE COOPER'S LITERARY OFFENCES
21. FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR
22. Goldsmiths Friend Abroad Again
23. How Tell a Story and Others
24. In Defence of Harriet Shelley
25. Innocents Abroad
26. IS SHAKESPEARE DEAD?
27. LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI
28. MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY
29. Mark Twain's Speeches
30. On the Decay of the Art of Lying
31. Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc v1
32. Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc v2
33. Rambling Idle Excursion
34. Roughing It
35. Sketches New and Old
36. THE $30,000 BEQUEST and Other Stories
37. The American Claimant
38. The Gilded Age
39. The Man that Corrupted Hadleyburg
40. The Mysterious Stranger
41. The Prince and the Pauper
42. The Stolen White Elephant
43. The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
44. Those Extraordinary Twins
45. WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN